Redefining "Grand"

I'm hunkered down in a tiny cabin in the pines. From my skinny wood porch I spy Lake Almanor across the street. I'm surrounded by other tiny cabins, filled with like-minded people who crave the need to get away on the weekends: kindred spirits close enough in proximity to say hello to, but far enough away that I can get into the serious business of relaxing.

It's chilly this morning, so I grab my bright red jacket and head out for a stroll along Big Springs Road, signs of life apparent only in an occasional four-wheel drive truck driving by. Through the practice of walking I find the answers to most of life's questions. My cluttered mind clears. New paths emerge. As my feet take me Northeast, my mind meanders way back, down through the valleys and slippery slopes of each decade, then back up and--catching a breath-- onto my current winding road. I think about the grand expectations I've continually set for myself, always measuring my self-worth by what I've acquired or accomplished, looking towards you to see if I'm on track. I decide it's bullshit.

What if instead, I celebrate the grand accomplishments of simply living? Maybe, just maybe, the fact I woke up today and am sitting here after my walk eating delicious, ripe grapes and sipping a cup of hot, caramel-flavored coffee is grand enough. I mean, my heart is beating and my eyes are working and my fingers are typing and I can hear the wind blow through the trees. Now that is grand.

I put on my mind’s hiking boots and keep travelling in. I see all of the grand things that have happened along the way of my life: Born a tiny little five-pound bird, surrounded by big family love and alcoholic dysfunction and so many opportunities to change and grow and learn, others should be so lucky. That I haven't had to take a drink in six-and-a-half years to numb my feelings is triple-grand, and the fact I'm surrounded by a tribe who understands and has my back is well, a miracle. The idea that all of these blessings are mine to keep as long as I keep it simple is grand, too.

I’ve loved, and been loved. I’ve witnessed people change their lives, and I’ve changed mine. I’ve eaten chipped beef on toast as a kid (yes… it’s a real thing) and eaten some of the finest steak ever as an adult. I’ve lost a lot of family members, but gained the knowledge that I can survive just about anything if I trust. I’ve made an ass of myself, hurt people along the way, and have cringeworthy regrets. But, I’ve learned. It’s all grand, grand, grand. With a goddamn cherry on top.

Today, I’ll take life as it comes. I might go explore the choppy lake in all of its windy glory, or I might just keep my ass planted here in my cozy sweats all day. While I decide, I’ll appreciate every second of it.

Wishing you a GRAND day.