Through the Looking Glass: Change

change

CHānj/

the act or instance of making or becoming different.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago my thoughts on human change, you would've gotten one answer: IT CAN'T HAPPEN. I believed, to my core, that people were born a certain way: sparkly and good, or bad to the bone. They were either givers or takers, and they were stuck with it. It was part of their DNA, built into the bones. I thought "once a cheater, always a cheater," and "once a crook, always a crook." I was young, narrow-minded and frankly, spiritually bankrupt.

After hitting my own bottom and re-committing my life to personal growth and lifelong learning, today, I know this: We are all a hot, sloppy, complicated mess of human jambalaya. Even the " best of the best" possess twisted tendencies, and the worst of us have angels waiting inside just waiting to fly. And we can change... anytime we want.

This last week alone has served up heaping lessons in the power of transformation. I watched men and women in recovery share their experience, strength and hope with struggling addicts; I watched seven men on parole from state prison graduate from a community-based education program, becoming productive members of society while beginning to glue their broken families back together. I was humbled to my core.

Change is complex... but possible. In a 2002 article in Psychology Today, change expert Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. outlines 10 Rules to Successful Change that stand the test of time. Clearly, Goldberg's framework isn't the only method, and many would argue that having a strong faith in something bigger than Self is the backbone of transformation. I say, embrace whatever works for you. Here are Goldberg's Rules...

1. All Behaviors Are Complex Almost all behaviors can be broken down. Separate your desired behavior into smaller, self-contained units.

2.Change Is Frightening

Examine the consequences. Compare all possible consequences of both your status quo and desired behaviors. If there are more positive results associated with the new behavior, your fears of the unknown are unwarranted.

3. Change Must Be Positive

Enjoy the Act; Admire the Outcome; Reward Yourself.

4. "Being" is Easier than "Becoming"

Take baby steps, keep it simple, and prepare for potential problems.

5. Slower is Better

Change is most effective when it occurs slowly, allowing behaviors to become automatic. Establish calm, and appreciate the path.

6. Know More, Do Better

Surprise spells disaster for people seeking change. Knowing more about the process allows more control over it. Monitor your progress and request feedback.

7. Change Requires Structure While spontaneity is wonderful for some activities, it's a surefire method for sabotaging change. Identify what works, and review your plan regularly.

8. Practice is Necessary Practice makes new behaviors automatic and a natural part of who we are. Enlist the use of helpers and trusted friends

9. New Behaviors Must be Protected Even when flawlessly performed, new behaviors and fragile and can disappear if unprotected.

10. Small Successes are Big

Unfortunately, plans for big successes often result in big failures. Focus instead on a series of small successes. Each little success builds your reservoir of self-esteem; one big failure devastates it.

Best of luck on your personal quest for change. It's possible! I'd love to hear what you're looking to transform... drop me a line at alipat6@gmail.com.