Through the Looking Glass: Mid-Life...or Mid-Strife? It's all About Perspective

I’ve always been the type to roll her eyes at those women who lamented turning 50 (or 40, or whatever). I’d hear them talk about getting older and their changing bodies and regrets and I’d think "Geeeeez, age is just a number, people; for godsake, get over it… It’s all in your attitude, ladies!" And then I turned 50.

Let me preface the rest of this by saying: I don’t believe 50 is old. For me, though, it’s a time of transition. Right on cue, my body and mind began a metamorphosis. I am a different woman today than I thought I would ever become, and I’m not the woman I used to be. I am somewhere in the middle of things, shaping up just as I’m supposed to, I surmise.

I am grateful for my good health and family yet at times temporarily sidelined with heavy doses of sadness, tiny twinges of regret and thoughts like, “man, where has my life taken me?” My life is not what I ever imagined; I finally understand the saying “If you want to see God laugh, tell him your plans.” Many of my goals and dreams still wobble on the shelf, caked with years of dust that have accumulated while I’ve been busy doing other things.

For the first time, I am feeling older. I look in the mirror and try to wipe off a smudge on my cheek, only to realize it’s a new wrinkle that showed up while I slept. I am legally blind, lost without my glasses or contacts. Little stuff ails me--nothing bad--just different.

With wrinkles comes insight, though: While I still care about what you think, I don’t let your opinions ruin my day. The ladder I want to climb is no longer corporate, it leads instead to a quiet rooftop to gaze at the stars. The only things I have to prove are to myself.

Today I am choosing to sit in my fleeting moments of sadness and engage in healthy reflection about where I’ve been and where I want to go. Today, I won’t wait for someone else to validate me, and I’ll give myself a (somewhat) humble pat on the back for raising a loving daughter, graduating from college and living a clean life.

I have no idea what the future holds. What I do know is that time it is a-tickin’. So excuse me.

I have a shelf to dust off.